So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
