Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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