The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
