My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
