I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
did i just pee glitter
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
