I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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