tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
