I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
