Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
