how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
