Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
smell my finger.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
