Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Drunk is not a location!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
