Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
