god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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