I wish I could teleport
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
