the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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