i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
