just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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