After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
