if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm jealous of your bromance
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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