im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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