I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
