omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
