It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
