How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
