i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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