some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
