he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
