People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
