I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
