"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am available for nakedness
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
