Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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