Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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