I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my being single is dangerous.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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