Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
