So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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