The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
