Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
