you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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