Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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