NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
