If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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