i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
