we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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