i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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