I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
