I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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