We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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