He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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