so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
