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If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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