It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
