When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
