im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
