Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
